not fitting in

It is so insane to me how my mind works sometimes.  That I am a 29 year old successful woman, a wife of 6 years, a mother of an almost 3 year old, a college graduate, a chef, and a teacher.. and yet I seem to forever be a 10-12 year old girl in my mind hoping and praying to fit in.  It is so strange to me, I am so strange to me sometimes and I don't understand why, despite all of the wonderful qualities I possess & who I have grown into or become as an adult, that I am still searching and needing to be liked.

Let me explain my latest moment:  I said in my last post that I had finished my first assignment for my class.  Our first 2 assignments are posted in the "discussion board" where all of the students can view & post replies to your comments.  I just realized that I have logged on 3 plus times JUST to see if anyone has posted a reply to my comments.  SERIOUSLY!! To add insult to injury (no matter how imaginary..) no one has.  The replies I have left asking questions have not been answered either, however, they have answered others.  I know how silly and ridiculous it sounds & I have ABSOLUTELY no idea why I feel so..let down.  Why do I want to fit in with these people whom I have never met & most likely never will?  I double and triple check my entries to make sure they don't sound stupid or uneducated.  Normally, I am a terrific writer, well spoken with witty remarks and good points.  In both of my "discussions" I sound like a weird kid.. a teenager maybe.. Not the well educated, well spoken woman that I am.  I am sure that I am over analyzing, but that doesn't make my anxiety about it any less real or my anxiety about my anxiety any less frustrating!

When does one "come into their own" or "become their own person?" At what point in my life will just being me be enough?

-S

I'm an official college student... again

I just completed my first assignment for my online class with Bowling Green State University!

Let me explain: I accepted the position with Butler Tech, but have to finish some credits to get my Bachelors Degree & to get a teaching certificate in Ohio.  So, I have been enrolled in the Career & Technical Teaching online degree program with BGSU & I am proud to say that I just completed my first assignment! It was only introducing myself & replying to 2 other students.. but hey, ya gotta start somewhere right?!

I am beyond stressed about the move and transition, but super excited as well.. as of right now I am just sunburned (more on that later) and sleepy..