a new opportunity..

after my last post about being restless & unhappy in the "job" area of my life, I decided to do something about it! So I posted my resume online on a few sites just to see if I would get a bite and you know what.. I DID! Several in fact! That simple fact alone helped boost my "blues" to light green or almost pink.  So I'm gonna make a long story short - 

Le Cordon Bleu of Dallas has a full time instructor job opening.  I am up for the position.  They want to have the position filled in 3 WEEKS.. yep, the start date is DECEMBER 29.  that's INSANE right?! my first interview went very well & I have a second interview today with the campus director.  but if all goes well, we would be packing up and moving 3ish hours away, moving fenway around to a new facility (or trying to find a nanny), I would be starting a new job (teaching), and kelvin and I would be separated during the week for a few months until he can get his job moved.. ALL IN 3 WEEKS! Plus, all this worry may be for nothing, they could choose to NOT offer me the position.. but I've got my fingers crossed.  CROSS YOUR FINGERS TOO!! 

It would be a wonderful opportunity.  I miss teaching dearly.  The pay is quite a bit more than I am making now.  We want to move out of this area & somewhere new. The hours are workable with vacation & all weekends off. It's a much bigger city, so once Fenway is settled there are MANY more opportunities for her & her therapy.  There is a Cooper Tire warehouse there that Kelvin could transfer to.  The housing market isn't too insane (a little more than what we rent for now..) so all in all it is a great opportunity, BUT, I am still scared! This would be huge.. and IN 3 WEEKS.. I think that is the thing that has me freaking out a bit, that I don't have time to really assess and make a plan and execute.  And then my mind reverts back to : dude, they haven't formally offered you the job yet so quit freaking out!! - AHHHHHAAAHHHH! 

Ok, i'm done =) My interview is @ 3:00 today, I'll let you lovelies know how it goes - FINGERS CROSSED XX

-Sara

restless

I think for everything there is a season.  I'm am currently in a season of restlessness.  I can't seem to shake it not matter what I do.  I have read a lot lately about "being content" in your life, whatever & wherever God has placed you that sometimes He simply asks that we be content our current circumstances.  While I believe in that, I also believe that He can make you restless to invoke change.  Change in location, in mindset, in friendships, in family, in work, in your calling, simply in life.  My current situation revolves around my job.  This time last year I left a job I loved because I was at my wits end, I disliked the director of our culinary program & what was worse was that I had no respect for him at all.  I woke up every day not wanting to go to work because I didn't want to have to deal with his B.S. It was at that time I started saying a simple prayer - God, put me where you want me to be.  Grab my hand and lead me or hold me steady.  It was just a few days later that I put in for my current job & all the doors & windows seemed to simply open up seamlessly & so I walked through them.  

While the hours are great (8-4 M-F) with christmas & summers off.. and the pay is.. decent (about $4,000 less than I was making) and the drive time is less (45 min vs 1.5 hours..) I am restless.  I miss teaching DEARLY.  I miss preparing for my upcoming class & learning more and more each year so that I can teach my students.  I miss sharing my knowledge with others.  I miss being a chef & being in the kitchen every day teaching something new & getting my hands dirty.  I do NOT miss the 30+ lbs I gain each year because of tasting, but I can work around that!

I am also in a season of wanting to move.  To get out of this place that I have called home for most of my life.  There is simply not anything tying us here.  Our extended family situation is.. complicated.. at best.  I would still see my mom just as much if we moved as we do now living in the same town.  I'm not even going to get started on Kelvin's family right now.  I want to just pick up & start somewhere new, reinvent ourselves & our family to make it what WE want it to be.

On a whim last week, I put in several job applications.. just to see what would happen, would I get a bite or not?  Well, I did! One from a start-up company in IL & one from Le Cordon Bleu in Dallas for a chef instructor position!  I haven't been able to actually get the guy on the phone to have an actual interview for Dallas, but it was a definite ego boost to even get a call back.  Sometimes I think maybe we just need a little "pick me up" to get us out of our funk.. and sometimes that pick me up may lead to the rest of your life.

I'm not sure yet which of those it is for me, but I will let you know as soon as I figure it out!!

Fingers crossed guys XX

-Sara

a sensitive issue, no judgement needed -

suicide. that word strikes fear into the heart and minds of many many many people.  Those that have lost someone to it are some of the most heart sick people I have ever known.  There are so many opinions, thoughts, judgments. There has been major controversy over the last few months about the young woman with cancer that moved to Oregon so that she could choose how to end her own life.  Technically that is suicide.. living with her cancer or dying from her cancer was not how she wanted to live OR die, so she chose to take her own life.. that simple.

For those that have never dealt with depression or severe anxiety, even the though of taking your own life is selfish & unjustifiable.  To some there will NEVER be a though or a reason that severe to end your own life.  The phrase "it's a permanent solution to a temporary problem" springs to mind. I do not condone suicide, but I do understand it.

I have battled depression since I was a teenager.  Mind numbing, life altering anxiety and depression.  I have fought with suicide more than once in my life & it is a very very scary place to be.  I have been judged, belittled, ridiculed, and told that I was the most selfish person on the planet for even having thoughts like that or "being able to even consider something like that" - It is by the grace of God that I am still here with all my faculties as some would say!

Depression/Anxiety/Mental Disorders are not something you can CONTROL.  You can control your reactions as best as you can, but when something like this gets a hold of you, it is something that you have to fight every single day to overcome & beat. It's like being in a pitch dark cave, blinded, trying to crawl your way out with no sense of direction.   I hate hearing people talk about others that suffer with such issues.. things like "they are so weak, they should be able to control it, they're making it up for attention, that is so stupid" it makes my blood boil.  If someone breaks their leg, you're not there telling them to walk on it! they're not weak or stupid or doing it for attention to get a cast put on it and let it heal are they?! No. you allow them to have the proper treatment & rest & sometimes physical therapy and then you go on about your life.

For some people, suicide is their only option.  It is the only cure for their current illness/disease/predicament/whatever you want to call it.  For them, life is the illness.  Even when reaching out, talking about it, taking medication (that can sometimes cause it to worsen..) doesn't help, doesn't make any difference.  Something in their brain simply doesn't process, the darkness is too overwhelming.  Just because they don't have a "terminal illness" but don't want to live this life anymore or die a horrible agonizing painful death doesn't mean they are weak or stupid.  It simply means that they have been dealt really sucky cards that they were not equipped to handle for whatever awful reason.  For some, simply living is a terminal illness in itself.

Personally, I am too afraid to actually kill myself.  Even in all of the torment & anguish I have gone through & put myself & my family through, I could never actually go through with the act of killing myself.  I am too scared.  I am from a Christian home and I am a christian myself & so I believe that suicide = going to hell.  That fear, the fear of Hell vs Heaven, never seeing my dad or grandparents or living eternally with God in a mansion made for me on the streets of gold, of eternal damnation.. that fear is enough to keep me grounded.  Now, I have wished & prayed for God to just take me.  To spare someone else's life that deserves it, that will make something of themselves, that have a family & a full life to live, that WANT to be here.. I have begged on my knees some nights for that.  I have sat in tears in the closet or on the bathroom floor to just be taken away, swept away, because I feel like I don't belong here, in this world.  And then the feeling passes and the tears dry up and I pick myself up and move on.  But it is always there, lurking in the back of my head & heart.  I have to fight the battle most days to keep it from attacking me.  This does NOT make me weak or stupid or selfish.  This makes me human.  Wounded, but human.

I have my faith & my daughter Fenway to help me fight through those rough days & nights.  I have a best friend & a mom that know my struggle that I can call anytime I need them to just talk me down.  When someone is in a state like that, a manic or panic situation, there is no logic.  All there is, is darkness.  For me, it's literally the angel/devil on your shoulder kinda thing.  There is a constant conversation going on in my head, good & bad & me wrestling with it.  Is my life awful? No.  My life is pretty good compared to many many people.  I have a job, family, a few friends, and my faith.  Depression knows NO boundaries & has no limits.  It's not selective.  It's hell on earth.

What about those people that don't have any of that.  That don't have a family or a best friend or their faith.  They have nothing.  They have to live with the demons that haunt them every minute of every day without having any escape from it.  Cancer of the soul. Sometimes, unfortunately enough, no matter how much you talk, how many medications they are on, or how long you try it is simply not enough, they can not endure any longer & they want to choose their own way out.  To those that have been there or may be there now.. I am sorry.  I am sorry you were dealt the life & cards you were, I am sorry that life is hard & no one seems to understand.. I & OTHERS LIKE YOU DO UNDERSTAND & YOU ARE NOT ALONE. You are NOT the only one fighting this battle, you are not weak or silly or stupid, no matter who thinks or says that to you. YOU ARE NOT! You are precious and wonderful and brave.. Brave because you continue to battle something that you can not see with the hope that it will get better.   My wish and prayer for those of you that are here is that you can find something to ground you.  Faith or friends or family.. that it does get better.. even in all of the darkness, there is light.. reach for it.  When the darkness closes in, close you eyes & let it consume you.. feel all the bad, the grief, the hurt, the anger, the bitterness, the resentment, the bad - feel it all.  Cry, scream, hide.. whatever it is that YOU need to do.  Because in my experience, only when you feel it, every horrible bad heartbreaking thing, then it doesn't have power over you anymore.  Blocking it out or trying to keep it from overtaking you is like putting a shoe string on a door to lock it when an army is charging through.  Only once you allow yourself to feel it all can you start to heal from it.  It's not an easy process, and it's not a one time thing.  But the battle is worth it.  you are worth it.

Hugs & laughter & understanding are the best remedies.  If you are ever faced with someone that battles with this issue, simply listen.  Tell them that they are loved or needed or wanted in this life.  Judgement is NOT helpful.  Sometimes all it takes to pull someone off a ledge is the simple act of REALLY caring.  Saying "hey, I'm here.. I don't understand this or what you're going through, but I will not judge you because of it.  I am here & I care enough to say that.  I care enough to ask you to stay.." Sometimes someone just needs one reason to stay in this life.. you could be that one..

-Sara

doctor visits, family, & thanksgiving

last week (Thanksgiving week) was INSANELY busy for us & our little trooper.  First, we had follow up appointments with Fenway's opthamologist, gastroenterologist, & ENT -

Fenway reading a story in the waiting room

we are continuing with GFDF (gluten free/dairy free) with her, all of her ENT issues were resolved & we will have another swallow study done in the spring to hopefully get her off the thickened stuff! It turns out that she does have to get glasses =( She went from a -.5 to a -4 with her vision & is nearsighted.  We'll be going to get her fitted for her glasses this week, that should be super fun (note the sarcasam!)

We were in Little Rock Monday & Tuesday for those appointments, then headed to Warranton Missouri Tuesday afternoon to spend thanksgiving with Kelvin's Aunt/Uncle/Cousins.  Fenway was a TROOPER! We are seriously blessed to have such an amazing little girl.  She was great in her car seat for the 7ish hour trip there, only started getting agitated about 30 minutes away from our destination. I don't care who ya are, that's HUGE for a 2 year old!

Selfie time!

enjoying the ride

awesome kid cashed out on the way!

We got to Missouri late Tuesday night.  No, we didn't encounter any of the Ferguson craziness.  His family actually used to live in Ferguson! They moved out to their farm about 2 years ago.  We went up I-55 to avoid any issues.  When I checked the forecast the week before, it was supposed to be in the 40's and higher all week with no snow, I was sad.  BUT.. we woke up Wednesday morning to snow!!! about an inch or so of the good kind that's great for building snowmen & snowball fights.  I was SUPER excited! We took Fenway out in it for a bit, she was super excited at first..

SNOOOWWWW!

CRUNCHING THE SNOW

WITH MOMMY IN THE SNOW

FELL IN THE SNOW

once she got down, she decided she wanted to see how the snow tastes..and her hands got cold!

All in all, the snow was fun! I hope we get to go back next year so that we can build a snowman together.  AND I hope it snows at home this year so we can have all our gloves & stuff with us! Maybe then she'd like it a little bit more..

Thanksgiving Day came around & it was wonderful.  The guys went hunting that morning, but didn't kill anything.  I helped Aunt Mindy cook dinner - Roasted Turkey, Fried Turkey, Sweet Potatoes, Cornbread Dressing, Bread Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Giblet Gravy, Green Bean Casserole, Corn, Pear Fritters & Tarts & Apple Pie.. Talk about delicious!!

Friday we went to St. Louis and ate at Kelvin's favorite restaurant - Blueberry Hill.  It was ok, not nearly as great as I remember it being =( We went grocery shopping too and Fenway got to ride in her first "car buggy" so stinkin cute!

Best pic I could get.. Blueberry Hill, St. Louis

Fenway Buggy Driver!

We got some great family time, hunting, gathering, & the likes.  They live on a farm & raise bee's for honey, chickens, gardens, process their own meat for summer sausage/jerky/meats, & pickle/can all their produce.  We came home with some gooooodies! I'll post those pics later..

I've really got to get better at taking pictures in the moment. I didn't get ANY family pictures with the kiddos or all of us together =( 

All in all, it was a FANTASTIC, drama free, much needed vacation.  I'm hoping we will have the money to be able to do it again next year.  They seriously have the two best, most well mannered kids (Gabby & Hunter 12ish & 10ish) who LOVED playing with Fenway.  I loved seeing how their family works and interacts.  I've always wanted to live a sustainable lifestyle, get a little piece of property.. 10 acres or so.. and put down roots.  Raise chickens & have a good garden & a couple livestock for meat.  Randy is very in tune with his Native American roots (they are registered Choctaw Indian) and I'm hoping spending some time with them will get that spark ignited in Kelvin.  There is just something so fulfilling about that way of life, living off the land and such.  

More to come later - I read a FABULOUS book on the way there so I'll tell ya all about it later this week when I've got some time =) Some anxiety & work issues popped up once we got home, so more on that too once I've got it worked out in my head.. 

How was your holiday? Any good stories to share?

-Sara

whhheeew!

it has been an INSANELY busy week here in northeast texas! We had our elementary Thanksgiving Feast today & it went fantastic! I was really stressed and worried about it, like, having nightmares about it and had knots in my neck from the tension stressed.. but.. it all went very very smooth.  I have tons of pictures and updates, but those will have to come later next week.  Just wanted to pop in and say "I'M STILL HERE!" just been a wee bit busy the last week so haven't gotten around to posting much.

lots to tell, lots to say, lots to discuss.. so until next week - hope yours is lovely my friend

-Sara

just one of those days..

so today is going to be more of a rambling/griping type post.  So here lately, I have gotten bit by the "I want to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) bug" and I've been fighting through it.  BUT, there have been some instances happen at work the last few weeks that have REALLY tested my patience & resolve to just not up and quit.  I know I can't do that, wouldn't do that is more like it, but today I just need to get it all out so I can get back to whatever it is I'm doing.

We have a big feast coming up, the school's annual Thanksgiving Feast, for the community.  It has been run differently every year (so I've been told) and so administration has their ideas about how they want it to run.  Fine & Great.. then just TELL me how you'd like to do it, please don't ask my opinion then shut it down.  It's not like this is my first rodeo.  This is what I make my living doing. This is what I went to school for (not really) and have worked almost 10 years doing, the catering aspect of it.. not the school service part.  I feel very much like I am just a pawn, a face, a puppet.  I've not been able to have control over my own kitchens.

I was given the task at the beginning of the year to cut out budget WAY down.. 2 years ago they came in -$80,000 & last year cut that back to -$40,000 - this year they want to break even!! BUT - they've tied my hands.  They want to serve a $5.00 meal for $2.75 & you CAN NOT MAKE MONEY DOING THAT.  We are not on the school lunch program, which means that we get to make up our own menus and such, BUT we don't get any $$ from the government for our food.  So we have to be completely self sufficient.  I have tried cutting back as far as I can go and we are still coming in -$1200 a month.  Last week, I made the decision to pull the milk from the lunch service.  We would only serve milk @ breakfast (it currently costs us $700 a month & we don't make anything off of it) and the students still have a choice of juice, water, or kool-aid for lunch & it would save us roughly $400 a month - well the elementary got wind of this and essentially threw a hissy fit about their "babies not getting milk".  1. IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS HOW I RUN MY BUSINESS - you have no idea the kind of pressure I am under to get this budget down.  2. IF YOU DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT, THEN THE KIDS WON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT!!!!! if you don't know anything about business or food OR BOTH then stay the hell out of my kitchen.  Seriously.  So, needless to say, I got a call from admin this morning saying we have to resume our "milk sales" - I hadn't even pulled the milk yet.. they didn't even give it a chance before they started bitching.  Sorry for the language, I'm THAT irritated today.

So.. I can't make food cuts, I can't make beverage cuts.. therefore I can't make budge cuts.  simple enough?  I'm keeping track of everything so hopefully at the end of the year when we are WAY over budget I can present my nice little notebook to the board stating just this.  Let me have the kitchens, really have them, without anyone else's input, and the budget will balance OR pony up more money for the food.  Either way, today I realized that this "job" isn't a "job" for me, it is simply to put into place what the admin wants.  I don't know if I can do that.  I know I "can" do that, but I am miserable.  I work here because the hours are good & I get summers & holiday's off - I am a paper pusher, not a chef, not even a cook!! I know I should shut up & be happy with a decent pay check & I am trying, I REALLY REALLY am - that's one reason I am writing.  Maybe if I get it out in the open then I can see this job for what it is, the means to an end.  One day I will be able to be a SAHM, this is just a filler until I can get there.. right?

-Sara

Soup & Sister Act -

The temperatures are finally starting to fall (no pun intended) here in Northeast Texas so that means soup/stew season is here! I made a big pot of Homemade Chicken & Dumplings last night, YUUUUM!  Didn't take a good pic once it was bowled up, but here it is still in the pot:

Homemade Chicken & Dumplings

I DO make my own dumplings since I started using this specific recipe.  It tastes like the dumplings you get @ Cracker Barrel & it's DELICIOUS! Now when I make "chicken & dumpling soup" which is basically chicken noodle soup with dumplings instead of noodles, then I used canned biscuits cut up, but they just don't do the trick for this thick hearty recipe.  People don't realize how simple it really is to make your own biscuits or dumplings & it just adds to the taste & flavor of the stew.  

Tonight is a toss up between Taco Soup (we're having it at work today) or Lasagna Soup with Cheesy Yum - Both are heaven in a bowl, so I'll post pics & let ya know tomorrow which we end up having.  Do you have any good soup/stew recipes you'd like to share?!

On a non-food note - last week Kelvin won tickets to go see Sister Act, the musical! It was a good night out for us, especially since we don't get many of them EVER.  Some good friends of ours kept Fenway so that we could go.  We have gotten really blessed to have friends that are more like family to us here, we would be lost without them!

The musical was good, but wasn't exactly what I was expecting.  We had both thought that it would be the same music & songs from the original movies (sister act & sister act 2) but it wasn't.  The premise & story line was the same, but it was all different songs & music.  The acting was wonderful & you really can't beat seeing something live on stage.  The energy & power that the singers have is incredible.  

The holidays are approaching very quickly!  We will be busy at work this week preparing for our annual community Thanksgiving Feast to be held next week before school lets out.  Fingers crossed for a smooth couple of weeks!  

Hope you are all doing well - share those recipes if you've got any - 

-Sara

going to the chapel.. as a bridemaid

This weekend was the "official" wedding for Koy & Chelsea (Kelvin's little brother & my brother-in-law & new sister-in-law) - They have actually been officially married for a year, but wanted to have an actual wedding.  

I was a bridesmaid & did the catering, Kelvin was the best man, & Fenway was a flower girl 

The venue was beautiful & so were the bride & groom! It was SOO cold on Saturday though, that part sucked.  We hired a nanny for the day to keep Fenway so that Kelvin & I could actually spend time with everyone & not be chasing her around everywhere.  BEST MONEY WE WE'VE EVER SPENT! 

Fenway hanging out with Taylor (her nanny) while we're all getting ready

I didn't get any pics of the food, but it all turned out wonderfully, even after I was so stressed because all of my help kept backing out on me!  Bren, my pastry chef friend & fellow caterer, was originally supposed to help me but ended up going out of town.  Then, my second helper Joy, fell @ work the the Thursday before the wedding so she was out! Thankfully Danielle, my second worker, came through & was ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS! I will most definitely hire her again with future catering events.  

I loved my dress.  It was a classic 50's vintage feel & the makeup artist did my hair and makeup perfectly with the style.  It was nice to really feel beautiful for a day - Kelvin looked smashing as well 

don't we clean up nice?!

prettiest little flower girl ever!

I'll have more pictures when the actual wedding photos come in, so far from what I've seen they have turned out beautiful.  

Back down the isle - 

beautiful brothers

All in all it was a fantastic day.  Wanted to say congrats to Mr. & Mrs. Koy Atkinson

 - may your life be filled with joy & happiness (and babies!!) love you both

-Sara

Framily - Friend's that are family

the word FAMILY has a different meaning depending on who it is that you're talking to.  Family can simply mean two or more people living together and raising children, but to me, family means a person (or people) that love each other no matter the state of mind.  They know the good & the bad and love you in spite of or because of these things.  I believe you should be able to count on family no matter what, in good time & in bad.  Family doesn't have to be blood, and in many cases non-blood relations are much closer and tighter than actual blood relations!

In my world, I feel my family - my mom, brother, & I - have always been the "black sheep." When I was younger, my older cousins would come in & all stay with my "cool" Aunt & her daughters, but I was seldom invited.  My cousin and I didn't get along well when we were kids, and so I was left out of those weekends.  Things happened in my teenage years that drove us apart even further.  Even still, I love my family & now we have fun when we're together a few times a year, but I don't really feel connected or bonded to them.

Then there are those remarkable people that come into your life, usually by chance, that become the family you never had (or wish you had) - Every stage of life for me has had this person (or people) to varying degrees.  Some have come and gone but my best friend Lauren and her family have become my second family.

Lauren and I met 7ish years ago, through a chance encounter with a mutual friend.  We started dating guys that were room-mates and traveled most weekends to stay with them.  Though the guys are LONG gone (thank God) the friendship that blossomed out of those weekend stays has, in many ways, become my lifeline.

We are so incredibly different yet so incredibly similar in so many aspects of our lives and personalities.  We understand each other on a level that it seems no one else can.  We have been through the great/good/bad/and horrific and still love each other just as much.  We always tell each other the truth not matter what, but know specifically how to talk to each other so as not to hurt the other's feelings but still get the message across.  She can tell me when I'm being unreasonable & bitchy & I can tell her when she's being dramatic & overreacting!

We can have an entire conversation with looks alone & have the best stories! Her mom & dad love Fenway like she was their own & will be called mimi (or nena) and papa T whenever she starts talking!   We live 5ish hours away from each other & normally only see each other twice a year (once at christmas time & once during the summer) - however - this year has been WAY different!  We've seen each other 4 times so far & we're going up again the week of Thanksgiving! I'm so glad that it has worked out that way this year, sometimes you just need to see your sister =)  That is what she is to me, a sister - to quote: We're not sisters by birth, but we knew from the start, fate brought us together to be sisters by heart!!

Love you Lauren Paige - even if you didn't have a nose!

-Do you have a 'Framily' or someone that isn't blood relation that is your family?

-Sara

family or something like it..

So I know all families have their issues & drama, it just goes with the territory.  A little of our family history -

My dad died when I was 8 & my mom never remarried.  My grandparents (dad's parents) played a MAJOR roll in my life, they helped raise me and my brother.  I owe a lot of my way of life & values to them.  My mom & I are polar opposites when it comes to most everything! We really started being able to have a good relationship about 10 years ago when I moved out to start culinary school in Austin.  She's very "hands off" when it comes to her grandchildren.  I think they scare her a little bit.  plus, she is kinda flighty (in the best way possible) but she gets distracted easily & is nervous around little kids that can't really take care of themselves.  She's never kept Fenway at her house or anything like that.

Kelvin's family - His mom and dad split when he was a teenager, VERY bad blood there.  His mom is young (early 40's) and has a life of her own, meaning she has a boyfriend that has a young daughter that she is "mothering" now so she doesn't really make time for Fenway.  We get the every so often "hey how ya doing, I miss her" text but nothing really more than that.  When Fenway was an infant she was wonderful, came and stayed at the house or kept her a couple times a month so Kelvin and I could have some time together, but .. then life happened I guess & she's entitled to her own life.

Kelvin's Dad & family - He remarried  just a few years ago, about the time Kelvin & I got together.  His stepmom is actually a woman I grew up with! Her kids & I went to school together, talk about small world.  All together they have 4 grandchildren & a son that's 3.  They have kept Fenway once or twice when I didn't have any other choice but to ask them.  They're busy & we're an hour away so it's just one of those things I guess.

I love being a mom, I was born to be a mom (most days!) but I have to say that it has gotten to me the last few months that we don't have the support system that all of our other friends do.  If we go somewhere, Fenway is with us.  If we're invited somewhere that we can't take her to, then we don't go.  All of our other friends with children are always talking about doing this and doing that and I always ask " well who has the kids?" - oh my parents or siblings or his parents or siblings or my aunt or uncle or cousing.. and it does make me a little envious some nights that we just don't have that.  It not only makes me envious for me, but it breaks my heart for my little girl.  My grandparents were such a MAJOR part of my life & I wanted that for her.  My grandad didn't miss a SINGLE softball game until I moved to Austin when I was 18.. not a single one.  My mom either - She was at every band, cheerleading, soccer, basketball, volleyball, & softball game & tournament that I ever had.  I love her so much for that.  Fenway WILL have that with me as well.  Whatever she chooses to do with her life, I will be there to witness it all & so will Kelvin (as his work schedule allows) but our other family will miss out & I hate that for her.  We haven't really figured out a way to handle that situation (thankfully we've got a few years before she really starts understanding it) but I have ALWAYS wanted this big close knit tight family & it just doesn't seem to be working out like I had dreamed it would.  Koy (Kelvin's little brother) & Wife Chelsea are great & I love them, but they will be moving to South Carolina in January.  My brother & I were never really close & his wife & I are cordial when we're together but not what you would call friends.  I have 2 nephews & a niece that I see a couple times a year, but I'm not really close with.  I dunno, it's just weird to see where you want to be or what you want vs where you actually are with it all.

On a happy note - Fenway & I went to Kelvin's dad's a week or so ago & ALL the grandkids happened to be there together! Monica (stepmom) got some great pics of them playing:

Fenway with "Paw Nick" - Kelvin's Dad

L-R - Elijah, Olivia, Stanton, Audrey, Fenway

They fight over the swings! 

Fenway always finds something to chew on!

Audrey & Fenway 

Fenway playing with blocks

LOVE this pic - Fenway and Olivia

that's "guess what I just did" face!

What is your family story? Is as big & wonderful as you'd like.. any good stories? 

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday 

-Sara

Halloween Sweets & Treats

Sorry for just now getting a chance to post! Last week was VERY VERY busy.  This week is going to be just as crazy with my BIL's wedding this weekend.  I'm a bridesmaid & I'm doing the food, crazy I know - but it'll be super fun!

Last week I did the snacks & treats for our annual Fall Festival.  An employee was off on Friday so I had to cover that spot as well, needless to say it was a VERY busy day!  Sometimes it's good to get big projects like this, it lets me know that "I've still got it" when it comes to timing and being in the kitchen producing mass quantities of food.  Everything turned out great! Some things didn't work like I had originally wanted, but I re-grouped and made it work anyway.  Below are some pics of my creations:

"Rockin' Ranch Hands"
Ranch crack craker mix with candy corn - Tied ribbon around the top with a label (no pic though)

Vanilla & Chocolate cake pops Dipped in Chocolate

Chocolate & Vanilla Cake Pops dipped in White Chocolate

Dipped Marshmallows

Oreo Mummies - one of my favorites!

Marshmallow Monsters! My other favorite-

My kitchen once everything was packaged & wrapped for delivery

Everything turned out so great & it was super fun - super stressful, but fun none the less!  I can't wait till Christmas when I get to do all my Christmas candy & goodies =) 

Hope you all had a great non-stressful weekend - 

-Sara

one of THOSE weeks

so this week started off stressful & has carried on downhill from there!

Last week we had gotten some parent complaints about both cafeterias.  Nothing specific, just "my kid doesn't like the food" complaints.  These come and go throughout the year so it's not really anything to worry about.  We have our monthly board meeting next week, and obviously complaints of any kind don't look good so we went ahead and jumped ahead of the board!  I've been doing surveys with all students about what they like/don't like/eat/don't eat and so on to show the board that I do take the complaints seriously yada yada yada.. I had seriously forgotten how ugly & snotty kids can be.  Some of the answers were down right mean (although I know the kids that wrote it, and I got onto them last week about things or made them eat an alternate meal because they were -$5.00 in their account!) but still and so, I realize how many kids aren't taught manners or common decency today.  What is kinda funny about the whole situation is that it was the OLDER kids (5-8th grades) that were so immature about the whole thing! My 1st-4th graders were wonderful & wrote the truth but took it seriously without being little jerks! I know kids will be kids and so on, but I really thought we had a better group of kids than that.  

I'm starting all of the baking today for our fall festival this weekend.  700is treats is going to be A LOT but I'm really looking forward to diving in and getting my baking on for a change.  Sometimes you just get sick of looking at paper and a computer all day.  

I've been in "a mood" the last few days & I can't really figure out why.  Just.. irritated.. is really the only way to describe it.  I can't seem to focus on one task to completion, my mind is rather spacey, and everything seems to annoy me.  No, I'm not preggo, for those of you that always think that as a first option! I'm hoping its a simple "carb craze" fix.. I haven't been eating to plan the last couple of days and I think this may be one result of it.  That's an easy fix though, so we'll see how today goes.  

My brother-in-law & sister-in-law are getting "married" next weekend - they went to the JP last year & got married but now they're having the actual wedding on Nov. 1st.  I am a bridesmaid AND I'm doing the food - crazy i know.  I was supposed to have help, but she has now backed out on me at the last minute & I am scrambling to find someone that knows anything about catering to help me.  Kelvin thinks is just an easy - oh someone can just put the food out- kinda thing & it's not.  This is the first time most of our family (hubby's side anyway) will be seeing me as a full blown chef & caterer.  It is a big deal to me that I make a great impression.  So now I'm stressed to the max about finding someone to help because I can't be doing food & taking pictures and so on.  hopefully it will work itself out, so we'll see.  Prayers for peace for me here!

Gotta get back to paperwork - YUUUCK- 

hope you're having a less stressed day & get to enjoy whatever makes you happy today 

-Sara

just another manic monday

so it has been a pretty rushed day today.  I've been in a funk the last few days over REALLY wanting to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) and not wanting to come to work (don't tell my boss hehe!) but here I am blazing away through the funk anyway.

Kelvin DID NOT get the 1st job he had put in for, we had expected this but it still angers me greatly.  There will be a second position opening soon, so we'll see if he's in line for that.

I think we may have found a rent house.  It's in town & in the right area.  It won't be available until January, but that's ok, we can make that work! Hopefully we'll get to go inside and look at it within the week and possibly put a deposit down.  That would be a MAJOR stress relief for me.

Fenway is doing well.  After doing some more research, I have found that she has an upper lip tie: the connective tissue that connects the lip to the gums is too tight & actually is attached between her upper teeth causing a tooth gap & lack of proper movement.  This is also why when she smiles her lip doesn't come up above her teeth because it can't! I also believe she has a tongue tie: where the connective tissue connecting the tongue to the bottom of the mouth is too tight restricting proper tongue movement.  I'm having her speech thearpist check it out when she see's her this week to be certain.  If this is the case, then that will answer LOTS of questions about some of her "issues" especially when it comes to her breastfeeding issues when she was an infant and current feeding issues with not being able to move the food around in her mouth properly.  It will also effect her speech & therapy if so.  So, whereas I DO NOT want anything to be wrong with my baby, with a TT/LT diagnosis it would answer so many questions & have an easy solution to help her even further!

We have our annual Fall Festival this weekend & I am making all the goodies for it.  Cake pops & dipped pretzle rods & frankenstein rice krispy's  & nutter butter ghosts & lots of other halloween treats! I will post pictures when they're complete. I'm really looking forward to it, I always enjoy being able to step away from the paperwork & computer to do what I love - cook!

Hope you are having a not so manic monday -

-Sara

awwww nuts!

We have two gigantic pecan trees in our back & side yard.  I've been waiting a few extra weeks to start gathering the pecans to give them time to mature and hopefully dry out some once they fall.  Well the storm a few days ago did us a great favor of shaking a bounty of them down onto the ground BEFORE I put my "easy peasy pickin nets" down - basically all this is is a medium mesh net that catches all the falling pecans so all you have to do is bundle it up and give it a good shake and you've got a few buckets full!  This also saves quite a bit of loss because once the pecans are on the ground they're pretty well camoflaudged so there are many that are missed when gathering by hand.  

Fenway and I went out yesterday to do some old fashioned pecan gathering.  It was fun (except for the mosquitos, bug spray next time!) and she seemed to enjoy it! 

This is the Tree in our side yard, it was a beautiful day for pecan pickin'!

We had quite a bit of "double dippin" I would put them in, and she would take them out! It was quite a fun game =)

Posing for a good mommy/daughter shot

Our 1/4 bucket picked for the day!  

Had the mosquitos not been so bad, we would have stayed out much longer.  This was picked in about 15-20 minutes, so this weekend once I'm armed with lots of bug spray we'll spend much more time out & hopefully get at least 2 buckets full.  

On a side note - I'm noticing that in all of Fenway's pictures, she looks like she doesn't have any teeth because of how she smiles!! She actually have a full mouth of teeth (that she is currently using to bite mommy's toes.. strange I know, but she's obsessed) 

It is supposed to be a beautiful weekend here in our neck of the woods so we'll get some much needed outdoor play time before the cold icky weather kicks in in a couple months.  

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend - 

-Sara