Hey Baby.. It's only life

So, sometimes I find myself so caught up in all of the "stuff" that I forget that this life is just that.. it's just life! I get so stressed and worried and caught up in not being a great mom or wife or friend or teacher that i just want to bury my head under the covers and hide for some peace!

THis week at work has been an eventful one.  Without going into too much detail.. I am a part of the Union and the union doesn't like something the administration is changing or wanting to change and so everyone is in an uproar about it all.  There are some of us that are calling BS and just want out of the whole dang thing.  We joked that we were gonna make t-shirts like "Team Jacob or Team Edward' because it's gotten that ridiculous.  I see both sides, I get both sides.  Just let me come in, teach my class, and do my job so I can go home to my family.  If I have a bad day at work because of some bozo's being all butt hurt about something they actually don't seem to have all the facts on then the rest of my day is shot.. then i come home and don't want to hang out or play, i want to sit on the couch and do NOTHING! it sucks the life out of you, it really really does.

Back to it.. so i was thinking the other day & this song "hey baby, it's only life" came on and I LOVED it.. it goes something like this:

Don't look away, don't run away .. hey baby, it's only life
Don't loose your faith, don't run away .. hey baby.. it's only life

and that clicked with me for some reason.  It is only life, an hour, a day, an evening, a class.  That's what we get, 24 hours to make something of ourselves.  If we don't, then we start over the next day.  So there ya go- my rant for the evening.. sort of.. more later!

-S

Reflection

Have you ever had a moment or span of time in your life where you are just surviving? Surviving from one hour to the next, one morning to the afternoon, or one day to the next? I feel as if I am in that season of survival. I normally with very well under pressure or with high levels of stress, but I have found myself in tears under the weight of such stress here lately. When one area of my life is complicated and messy, I can usually throw myself into the other parts of my life to kind of balance out the emotion and clear my head, but that isn't the case as of right now. All areas of my life seem complicated and messy and there doesn't seem to be a comfortable or comforting place to just .. be. I know it is just another "season" but I am VERY ready for this season to pass. And so, I write (or type in this case)

Part of my "first year Ohio teaching" is to keep a "journal" or a log of related topics throughout the year. We have all been paired up with mentors for the first couple of years to try to help with the transition into this life. Brecka, my mentor, has given me my first reflection topic & since I "journal" here already, I've decided that this is how I will keep up with those entries- 

When you are planning a lesson, are you planning for a group or are you planning on each student to gain a skill? what effect will that have on your lesson? 

 This has actually changed for me over the course of my teaching. The smaller my class, the more individual attention I can give them, thus the better my lesson . I started out (even this year) tailoring my lessons to each individual becoming/doing the best that they could do.. playing up each student's strengths. But I have quickly found that with 30 students and a very cramped work space that that specific way of teaching doesn't provide very consistent results. I haven't really found my footing yet when it comes to being in 10 places at once or trying to get each student to just finish 1 sauce!! I know it's a fluctuation of emotions, like a big roller coaster, and I'd like to say that I teach to each individual student because I do believe each student has potential to at least get better/be better.. I just haven't found the balance of how to direct a lab full of students in ALL aspects of the education process & ability. Today i feel like I suck as a teacher 😕 I'm sure tomorrow will be better, at least I hope it will! Sorry for the sour note this evening.. more later

A catch up of sorts

I start this post in the dark of a hotel room in Findlay, OH just as Fenway is starting to wake up and babble to herself.  We are up getting Kelvin settled in and visiting him in our "home away from home" since he will be staying here on the days that he works.  

I am now in week 5 of work and just did my first "parent call outs" to the parents of mine whose child has a D or an F in my class.  It was weird.  To be quite frank, it has all been a little weird.  I am SO very used to college aged/adults in class and teaching teenagers a whole new ball game.  One I am honestly not sure that I want to be a part of more than a season.  I am really hoping that as the year progress that I come more accustomed to the "style" of teaching I've had to develop and can learn to love it as much as I loved my college classes.  

For the first time I am really seeing what damage has been done to younger generations.  I remember being a teenager, believe it or not, but we weren't lazy.  We didn't feel entitled.  I'm sure there were some, as there is with every group, but just as a whole.. I am terrified of what the world will be like, what the culture will be like when Fenway is that age.  There is no respect, no want to learn, and this entitlement of you should just "give it to me" whether it be a grade or a "free day" or "your notes" its amazing.  It is definitely a major reality check and challenge. for me.  I am still adapting and finding my way & I've had several great days with both labs, but then others I am just trudging through to the end of the day & I have never had that feeling before when teaching.  

And the meetings.. OMG THE MEETINGS - I am already barely keeping my head above water with trying to keep up with my next day's lesson (which I am planning the afternoon before & has my OCD and control freak planning at an all time extreme..) and all the events and paperwork and grading etc.  and then they throw in at least 3 meetings a week.. I mean I get it.. actually I don't.  Send me an email and let me work through it myself when I actually some time to breathe.  Or just throw it on my pile. I don't eat lunch most days because I am trying to plan my class for my senior lab! At least I know i'm not in the boat by myself.. several of the teachers I have spoken with feel the same way and are overwhelmed right now, even a few veteran teachers, so that at least makes me feel like not such a nutcase! 

So, as you see - I haven't had much time for updating or writing in general and boy have I felt it! My stress level is at an all time high and my face is freaking out and breaking out, it sucks.  Fenway is officially awake and squawking at me, thus I must put on my Mommy cap & being the day.. More to come lovelies.. much more to come 

-S