Framily - Friend's that are family

the word FAMILY has a different meaning depending on who it is that you're talking to.  Family can simply mean two or more people living together and raising children, but to me, family means a person (or people) that love each other no matter the state of mind.  They know the good & the bad and love you in spite of or because of these things.  I believe you should be able to count on family no matter what, in good time & in bad.  Family doesn't have to be blood, and in many cases non-blood relations are much closer and tighter than actual blood relations!

In my world, I feel my family - my mom, brother, & I - have always been the "black sheep." When I was younger, my older cousins would come in & all stay with my "cool" Aunt & her daughters, but I was seldom invited.  My cousin and I didn't get along well when we were kids, and so I was left out of those weekends.  Things happened in my teenage years that drove us apart even further.  Even still, I love my family & now we have fun when we're together a few times a year, but I don't really feel connected or bonded to them.

Then there are those remarkable people that come into your life, usually by chance, that become the family you never had (or wish you had) - Every stage of life for me has had this person (or people) to varying degrees.  Some have come and gone but my best friend Lauren and her family have become my second family.

Lauren and I met 7ish years ago, through a chance encounter with a mutual friend.  We started dating guys that were room-mates and traveled most weekends to stay with them.  Though the guys are LONG gone (thank God) the friendship that blossomed out of those weekend stays has, in many ways, become my lifeline.

We are so incredibly different yet so incredibly similar in so many aspects of our lives and personalities.  We understand each other on a level that it seems no one else can.  We have been through the great/good/bad/and horrific and still love each other just as much.  We always tell each other the truth not matter what, but know specifically how to talk to each other so as not to hurt the other's feelings but still get the message across.  She can tell me when I'm being unreasonable & bitchy & I can tell her when she's being dramatic & overreacting!

We can have an entire conversation with looks alone & have the best stories! Her mom & dad love Fenway like she was their own & will be called mimi (or nena) and papa T whenever she starts talking!   We live 5ish hours away from each other & normally only see each other twice a year (once at christmas time & once during the summer) - however - this year has been WAY different!  We've seen each other 4 times so far & we're going up again the week of Thanksgiving! I'm so glad that it has worked out that way this year, sometimes you just need to see your sister =)  That is what she is to me, a sister - to quote: We're not sisters by birth, but we knew from the start, fate brought us together to be sisters by heart!!

Love you Lauren Paige - even if you didn't have a nose!

-Do you have a 'Framily' or someone that isn't blood relation that is your family?

-Sara

family or something like it..

So I know all families have their issues & drama, it just goes with the territory.  A little of our family history -

My dad died when I was 8 & my mom never remarried.  My grandparents (dad's parents) played a MAJOR roll in my life, they helped raise me and my brother.  I owe a lot of my way of life & values to them.  My mom & I are polar opposites when it comes to most everything! We really started being able to have a good relationship about 10 years ago when I moved out to start culinary school in Austin.  She's very "hands off" when it comes to her grandchildren.  I think they scare her a little bit.  plus, she is kinda flighty (in the best way possible) but she gets distracted easily & is nervous around little kids that can't really take care of themselves.  She's never kept Fenway at her house or anything like that.

Kelvin's family - His mom and dad split when he was a teenager, VERY bad blood there.  His mom is young (early 40's) and has a life of her own, meaning she has a boyfriend that has a young daughter that she is "mothering" now so she doesn't really make time for Fenway.  We get the every so often "hey how ya doing, I miss her" text but nothing really more than that.  When Fenway was an infant she was wonderful, came and stayed at the house or kept her a couple times a month so Kelvin and I could have some time together, but .. then life happened I guess & she's entitled to her own life.

Kelvin's Dad & family - He remarried  just a few years ago, about the time Kelvin & I got together.  His stepmom is actually a woman I grew up with! Her kids & I went to school together, talk about small world.  All together they have 4 grandchildren & a son that's 3.  They have kept Fenway once or twice when I didn't have any other choice but to ask them.  They're busy & we're an hour away so it's just one of those things I guess.

I love being a mom, I was born to be a mom (most days!) but I have to say that it has gotten to me the last few months that we don't have the support system that all of our other friends do.  If we go somewhere, Fenway is with us.  If we're invited somewhere that we can't take her to, then we don't go.  All of our other friends with children are always talking about doing this and doing that and I always ask " well who has the kids?" - oh my parents or siblings or his parents or siblings or my aunt or uncle or cousing.. and it does make me a little envious some nights that we just don't have that.  It not only makes me envious for me, but it breaks my heart for my little girl.  My grandparents were such a MAJOR part of my life & I wanted that for her.  My grandad didn't miss a SINGLE softball game until I moved to Austin when I was 18.. not a single one.  My mom either - She was at every band, cheerleading, soccer, basketball, volleyball, & softball game & tournament that I ever had.  I love her so much for that.  Fenway WILL have that with me as well.  Whatever she chooses to do with her life, I will be there to witness it all & so will Kelvin (as his work schedule allows) but our other family will miss out & I hate that for her.  We haven't really figured out a way to handle that situation (thankfully we've got a few years before she really starts understanding it) but I have ALWAYS wanted this big close knit tight family & it just doesn't seem to be working out like I had dreamed it would.  Koy (Kelvin's little brother) & Wife Chelsea are great & I love them, but they will be moving to South Carolina in January.  My brother & I were never really close & his wife & I are cordial when we're together but not what you would call friends.  I have 2 nephews & a niece that I see a couple times a year, but I'm not really close with.  I dunno, it's just weird to see where you want to be or what you want vs where you actually are with it all.

On a happy note - Fenway & I went to Kelvin's dad's a week or so ago & ALL the grandkids happened to be there together! Monica (stepmom) got some great pics of them playing:

Fenway with "Paw Nick" - Kelvin's Dad

L-R - Elijah, Olivia, Stanton, Audrey, Fenway

They fight over the swings! 

Fenway always finds something to chew on!

Audrey & Fenway 

Fenway playing with blocks

LOVE this pic - Fenway and Olivia

that's "guess what I just did" face!

What is your family story? Is as big & wonderful as you'd like.. any good stories? 

Hope you have a wonderful Tuesday 

-Sara

Halloween Sweets & Treats

Sorry for just now getting a chance to post! Last week was VERY VERY busy.  This week is going to be just as crazy with my BIL's wedding this weekend.  I'm a bridesmaid & I'm doing the food, crazy I know - but it'll be super fun!

Last week I did the snacks & treats for our annual Fall Festival.  An employee was off on Friday so I had to cover that spot as well, needless to say it was a VERY busy day!  Sometimes it's good to get big projects like this, it lets me know that "I've still got it" when it comes to timing and being in the kitchen producing mass quantities of food.  Everything turned out great! Some things didn't work like I had originally wanted, but I re-grouped and made it work anyway.  Below are some pics of my creations:

"Rockin' Ranch Hands"
Ranch crack craker mix with candy corn - Tied ribbon around the top with a label (no pic though)

Vanilla & Chocolate cake pops Dipped in Chocolate

Chocolate & Vanilla Cake Pops dipped in White Chocolate

Dipped Marshmallows

Oreo Mummies - one of my favorites!

Marshmallow Monsters! My other favorite-

My kitchen once everything was packaged & wrapped for delivery

Everything turned out so great & it was super fun - super stressful, but fun none the less!  I can't wait till Christmas when I get to do all my Christmas candy & goodies =) 

Hope you all had a great non-stressful weekend - 

-Sara

one of THOSE weeks

so this week started off stressful & has carried on downhill from there!

Last week we had gotten some parent complaints about both cafeterias.  Nothing specific, just "my kid doesn't like the food" complaints.  These come and go throughout the year so it's not really anything to worry about.  We have our monthly board meeting next week, and obviously complaints of any kind don't look good so we went ahead and jumped ahead of the board!  I've been doing surveys with all students about what they like/don't like/eat/don't eat and so on to show the board that I do take the complaints seriously yada yada yada.. I had seriously forgotten how ugly & snotty kids can be.  Some of the answers were down right mean (although I know the kids that wrote it, and I got onto them last week about things or made them eat an alternate meal because they were -$5.00 in their account!) but still and so, I realize how many kids aren't taught manners or common decency today.  What is kinda funny about the whole situation is that it was the OLDER kids (5-8th grades) that were so immature about the whole thing! My 1st-4th graders were wonderful & wrote the truth but took it seriously without being little jerks! I know kids will be kids and so on, but I really thought we had a better group of kids than that.  

I'm starting all of the baking today for our fall festival this weekend.  700is treats is going to be A LOT but I'm really looking forward to diving in and getting my baking on for a change.  Sometimes you just get sick of looking at paper and a computer all day.  

I've been in "a mood" the last few days & I can't really figure out why.  Just.. irritated.. is really the only way to describe it.  I can't seem to focus on one task to completion, my mind is rather spacey, and everything seems to annoy me.  No, I'm not preggo, for those of you that always think that as a first option! I'm hoping its a simple "carb craze" fix.. I haven't been eating to plan the last couple of days and I think this may be one result of it.  That's an easy fix though, so we'll see how today goes.  

My brother-in-law & sister-in-law are getting "married" next weekend - they went to the JP last year & got married but now they're having the actual wedding on Nov. 1st.  I am a bridesmaid AND I'm doing the food - crazy i know.  I was supposed to have help, but she has now backed out on me at the last minute & I am scrambling to find someone that knows anything about catering to help me.  Kelvin thinks is just an easy - oh someone can just put the food out- kinda thing & it's not.  This is the first time most of our family (hubby's side anyway) will be seeing me as a full blown chef & caterer.  It is a big deal to me that I make a great impression.  So now I'm stressed to the max about finding someone to help because I can't be doing food & taking pictures and so on.  hopefully it will work itself out, so we'll see.  Prayers for peace for me here!

Gotta get back to paperwork - YUUUCK- 

hope you're having a less stressed day & get to enjoy whatever makes you happy today 

-Sara

just another manic monday

so it has been a pretty rushed day today.  I've been in a funk the last few days over REALLY wanting to be a SAHM (stay at home mom) and not wanting to come to work (don't tell my boss hehe!) but here I am blazing away through the funk anyway.

Kelvin DID NOT get the 1st job he had put in for, we had expected this but it still angers me greatly.  There will be a second position opening soon, so we'll see if he's in line for that.

I think we may have found a rent house.  It's in town & in the right area.  It won't be available until January, but that's ok, we can make that work! Hopefully we'll get to go inside and look at it within the week and possibly put a deposit down.  That would be a MAJOR stress relief for me.

Fenway is doing well.  After doing some more research, I have found that she has an upper lip tie: the connective tissue that connects the lip to the gums is too tight & actually is attached between her upper teeth causing a tooth gap & lack of proper movement.  This is also why when she smiles her lip doesn't come up above her teeth because it can't! I also believe she has a tongue tie: where the connective tissue connecting the tongue to the bottom of the mouth is too tight restricting proper tongue movement.  I'm having her speech thearpist check it out when she see's her this week to be certain.  If this is the case, then that will answer LOTS of questions about some of her "issues" especially when it comes to her breastfeeding issues when she was an infant and current feeding issues with not being able to move the food around in her mouth properly.  It will also effect her speech & therapy if so.  So, whereas I DO NOT want anything to be wrong with my baby, with a TT/LT diagnosis it would answer so many questions & have an easy solution to help her even further!

We have our annual Fall Festival this weekend & I am making all the goodies for it.  Cake pops & dipped pretzle rods & frankenstein rice krispy's  & nutter butter ghosts & lots of other halloween treats! I will post pictures when they're complete. I'm really looking forward to it, I always enjoy being able to step away from the paperwork & computer to do what I love - cook!

Hope you are having a not so manic monday -

-Sara

awwww nuts!

We have two gigantic pecan trees in our back & side yard.  I've been waiting a few extra weeks to start gathering the pecans to give them time to mature and hopefully dry out some once they fall.  Well the storm a few days ago did us a great favor of shaking a bounty of them down onto the ground BEFORE I put my "easy peasy pickin nets" down - basically all this is is a medium mesh net that catches all the falling pecans so all you have to do is bundle it up and give it a good shake and you've got a few buckets full!  This also saves quite a bit of loss because once the pecans are on the ground they're pretty well camoflaudged so there are many that are missed when gathering by hand.  

Fenway and I went out yesterday to do some old fashioned pecan gathering.  It was fun (except for the mosquitos, bug spray next time!) and she seemed to enjoy it! 

This is the Tree in our side yard, it was a beautiful day for pecan pickin'!

We had quite a bit of "double dippin" I would put them in, and she would take them out! It was quite a fun game =)

Posing for a good mommy/daughter shot

Our 1/4 bucket picked for the day!  

Had the mosquitos not been so bad, we would have stayed out much longer.  This was picked in about 15-20 minutes, so this weekend once I'm armed with lots of bug spray we'll spend much more time out & hopefully get at least 2 buckets full.  

On a side note - I'm noticing that in all of Fenway's pictures, she looks like she doesn't have any teeth because of how she smiles!! She actually have a full mouth of teeth (that she is currently using to bite mommy's toes.. strange I know, but she's obsessed) 

It is supposed to be a beautiful weekend here in our neck of the woods so we'll get some much needed outdoor play time before the cold icky weather kicks in in a couple months.  

Hope you all have a fabulous weekend - 

-Sara

childhood media memories

first off - I didn't make "crack slaw" last night.. Kelvin forgot to take out the ground beef for me! So, I made some more Tuna Salad and had that with some homemade spicy dill pickles for a good crunch. 

onto topic for today: I'm sure your childhood, like mine, is filled with memories of great movies & tv shows that helped in your "coming of age" or that spark good memories for you.  My cousin posted a feed to our Facebook page last night that got me thinking of all those characters that I want my daughter to get to know as well & it made me wonder what her memories of these things will be.  I have "book friends" as well as "tv/movie friends" that I feel like are a part of my life.  Characters that we get so into and feel so apart of their life that they actually shape how we are in some small (or profound) way.  So today, I want to share some of my tv/movie families & characters with you and the memories that come with them just to curb that nostalgic bone!

In no particular order:

1. Star Trek; The Next Generation (TV): - this was the one show that my dad would let us stay up and watch on a school night! It came on at 8 (our usual bed time) and so we were allowed to stay up the extra hour to watch.  

2. TGIF lineup (TV): It changed every couple of years, but this was like a religion for us! Full House, Family Matters, Step By Step, Dinosaurs.. those are the ones that I remember the most.  I miss when shows were about families sticking together and overcoming daily obstacles & tackling the tough life issues together.  

3. Now & Then (movie): Samantha, Teeny, Chrissy, and Roberta had the kind of lasting friendship that I dreamed of. 

4. The Baby Sitters Club (movie): I'm pretty sure every girl that watched this tried to start a club of their own!!

5. Salute Your Shorts (TV): who could ever forget AWFUL WAFFLE AWFUL WAFFLE!

6. Hey Dude (TV): I never wanted to live on a dude ranch so bad in my life!

7. White Fang (movie): Love love loved this movie, we wore out the VHS at my grandparents house

8. Far & Away (movie): This is when I fell in love with Ireland & Tom Cruise

9. The Cutting Edge (movie): another "dadism" I remember he brought home the rented movie and said it was about ice skating, so of course we didn't' want to watch it.  He said we could stay up later to watch it, but we had to watch the whole thing if we did.  It's one of my favorite movies =)

10. ALL the Charlie Brown Specials: What was Halloween or thanksgiving or Christmas without a "charlie brown" special?! 

11. Little Women(book/movie): oh to have sisters like that and a mother who taught us everything!

12. Gilmore Girls/One Tree Hill/Gossip Girl (teenage years..): I have all the seasons on DVD (except GG, that on netflix!) and still fall asleep most night to Lorelai & Rory antics!  To have the life & friendship that Rory & Loaelai had, the love, devotion, & "come backs" of the characters in One Tree Hill (I'll NEVER forgive Dan from killing Keith.. it felt like a family member died), and the posh & lavish lifestyle of the Upper East Side in GG.. 

So, that's my list for now.. I'm sure there are 100's other's that I just can't think of right now.  Plus new ones that are present in my life today that I have fallen in love with.  My book family will be coming up soon I'm sure! 

What are your childhood media memories? Do they hold any special memories for you like those with my dad? 

Have a fabulous Thursday dear friends - 

low carb weigh in

Since starting back on my LCSF way of eating on monday, I have lost 4 lbs as of this morning! Now I know most of what I lose this first week will be "water weight" but who the heck cares?! weight is weight - That is one thing I do love about this WOE (way of eating) is that you really do see quick results, even if it is just water weight I still see a visual loss on the scale and that gets me motivated.  

My eating has been pretty basic the last few days, but I have found that I have not been hungry at all and the cravings have been very very minimal.  Also, I've upped my salt & water intake, I've read everywhere that doing this helps curb cravings and "atkins flu" that some sometimes get when beginning this way of eating.  It is what hit me so hard last time, the nausea, irritabliity, basically take PMS symptoms and multiply it times 10 & you've got the "atkins flu" 

anyway! my meals the last few days:

Breakfast: Bacon and Coffee (10ish slices of bacon & 2 cups of coffee with splenda & Heavy Cream)

** normally I would have Bullet Proof Coffee in the morning to help up my fat count for the day, but I've been enjoying a little more sleep instead of getting up to make it! If you haven't heard of or tried BPC (bullet proof coffee) - google it! It is fantastic & really helps in weightloss on a LC way of life. 

Lunch: Tuna Salad with SF Mayo, pickle, onion

Dinner-

Monday: Chicken Parmesan Soup

Tuesday: Crockpot Pesto Chicken with Cauliflower Rice

Snacks: Peanuts (dry roasted) and Chicken Broth

I keep a pot of Chicken Broth (it's actually chicken base or bouillon mixed with water) warm and on the stove all day.  I keep a warm cup at my desk throughout the day and sip on it.  This completely takes my cravings away, keeps my tummy full, and gives me the mouth feel of something savory when I'm craving it instead of diving into a bag of cheeseits or doritos! It also adds much needed salt at this stage to keep the "atkins flu" away.  And I've been countering it with 4 bottles of water while at work (plus a diet dr. pepper with lunch).  

Salt only becomes a problem if you aren't drinking enough water to flush it from your system.  Then it builds up and causes water retention and bloating and so on.  This works great for me!

Tonight's dinner will be "Crack Slaw" which is basically Seasoned Ground Beef with Shredded CAbbage and Bacon, I throw in a bag of broccoli slaw too for the fiber.  Super simple, super filling, and only 2 net carbs per 1/2 cup of cabbage! There won't be any leftovers.. I'll post a pic tomorrow (if I remember to take one tonight!)

Hope all is well in your world, wherever that may be! Has anyone else done a Low Carb way of eating? What were your results?

-Sara

tuesday randomness..

lots of things on my mind this morning.. 

1. Anger: my dear hubby has worked his tail off for the last year pushing for a job that is coming open this month.  He has been told by EVERYONE that he is the front runner for the job.  He is competent & well knowledged in the position, he works as much as he possibly can (he's had MAYBE 20 days off this entire year..) he covers for anyone when they need him, & has done everything this company has asked of him.  Last month he was sent up to Ohio for a MONTH to learn one of the new machines being implemented at our plant.  He was assigned a company credit card and turned loose.  No instructions, no budget allotment, no daily allowance.. nothing. To make a long story short - once he got home, he was told that he went over his daily allowance.  Then two week AFTER he got home, he was reamed for spending as much as he did & now he is being "black balled" and may not get the job that he has been working so hard for.  I AM LIVID. It's like they set him up to fail.  How can you not give someone a job that they rightly deserve because of something that doesn't even have to do with the actual job?! Also, after running the numbers together, he actually SAVED them money in the long run.  Yes, he went over his daily allowance on some days, but was WAY under others.  He came in $700 UNDER BUDGET for the total month that he was gone.  But they don't look at that, they look at the daily amount - sounds pretty petty and stupid to me. It's not fair and I am angry for my husband & for our family.  He has worked so hard and spend countless days & nights away from us, his family, so that he could secure this position in be better in the long run & now these pricks are trying to take it away from him because of something that they didn't even instruct him on or explain how or what to do.  Come on, really?!

2. Frustration:  Last Christmas we moved into our family 1920's farm house in Foreman, AR - about 45 minutes away from civilization & both of our jobs.  I had big dreams for this house when we moved into it.  We ended up having to gut the entire kitchen, pull up all of the carpet, and re-work a lot of the plumbing.  I didn't have a kitchen sink from December-July, I was doing dishes in the bathtub, seriously.  Our "kitchen" was a microwave and two crock-pots for several months.  Thankfully, I found a garage sale sink & Kelvin worked his magic with some ply-wood and we now have half of a working sink, ply-wood "counter tops" and a ply wood kitchen floor.  Still no carpet, only 1 working bathroom (thankful for that at least) and our "bedroom" is the front living area.. needless to say, I'm WAY over it! I love the house, but I can't live like this anymore.  We have Fenway gated off so that she can't get into the kitchen or bedroom because there are exposed nails/wood/mess & we're crammed into living in half of our house.  Our bills are astronomical because all of the windows are the original 1920's piece of glass with no insulation.  There are literally cracks and crevices in the seals etc.  Kelvin & I have been going back and fourth between saying "f-it" and finding a good rent house in town or spending the money to finish the house.  Our decision changes every day.  Our mortgage is only $450 a month for a BEAUTIFUL large home, but then our gas to and from work is also $450-500 a month.  If we moved into town, our rent would be $850-$1000 and gas would be $250ish.  Yesterday I had finally just decided - I love our house, just not in the shape that it is in.  I can deal with the drive, it only bothers me some days, but as long as I have a great home to come home too then I'm fine.  So, that was decided.  Then this morning, Kelvin tells me - I'm gonna talk to a guy about his house in town on Wednesday - MAJOR buzz kill!  I don't do well with being in limbo.  I'm not a "gray" kinda girl, it's black or white.  Make a decision and stick with it.  Otherwise I get very stressed & irritated.  I need consistency and structure.  I need decisions to be made and not be back and fourth, I need a home.. not a house.. a home that I can unwind and relax and feel safe and comfortable in.  

3. Elation: Cool weather has FINALLY settled in.  This means SOUP, STEWS, AND CROCK POT DELIGHTS! last night I made my first homemade soup of the fall season and it was great! I had been craving chicken Parmesan, but Kelvin switched to nights yesterday and it is hard to do such a detailed dish with a two year old standing at the gate screaming at you! So, I decided to make a Chicken Parmesan Soup.. Here are the results:

A delicious steaming bowl of tomatoey,chickeney,cheesy deliciousness! AND low carb =)

4. Accomplishment: Yesterday was day 1 of my back on LCSF (low carb sugar free) way of eating & I stuck to plan & didn't have a headache!! Today has gone well so far also, so hopefully the transition/detox will be a little easier this time around.  I've got Saucy Pesto Chicken going in the crock-pot for tonight to be served with Cauliflower Rice (first time making this..) so we'll see how it turns out!  

5. Heartache: A large storm brought this chilly weather to us, and with it was also a tornado that touched down not far from Foreman.  The way I drive to work every day, I pass the touch down site.  A family was devastated by this unforeseen tornado & my heart and prayers go out to them.  The father died, mother is in the hospital with severe injuries, & the 3 children are ok.  I know what it is like to lose a father & it is something you never recover from.  I am heartsick for this family & find myself questioning God about death and taking people away and so on.  It's a very sensitive area for me because of the loss of my dad when I was a child.  more on that to come.. please say a prayer for this family & other's that were affected by this storm & force of nature. 

-Hug your spouse & your kids, say i love you's, and let those you love know it every single day.. 

-Sara

low carb way of life.. sort of..

Back in April, sometime around my 28th birthday (gulp) my mom had come by for one of her rare visits to see Fenway.  On her way out we hugged as always and she said, and I quote "Oh honey, I never thought we'd be the same size!" - DOUBLE GULP -

now my mom isn't what you'd call a large person.. but all that I have heard my entire life is how she was a size 4 in school & when her and my dad got married and she can't believe she let herself get to the size she is now so on and so forth.  I have never been 'thin', I have hips and an ass and boobs & thighs but I have always been very athletic & 'toned' UNTIL I had my little firecracker.  At my full pregnancy weight I was 210lbs (TRIPLE GULP) which was ok because I lost it all within the first few months of her birth because of breastfeeding.  Then I got mastitis & thrush AT THE SAME TIME and had to stop breastfeeding (i bawled for a week). Within a few short months I had ballooned back up to 210lbs & it was at this time that my mother said those words to me.  

Nope, nu huh, not happening!  I did my research & decided that low carb/sugar free was the way to go for me.  I could eat when I was hungry, lose weight, & keep it off - if I followed the plan.  Well, IT WORKED! From March 17 - May 17ish I lost 30lbs & 2 pant sizes.  I had energy, was sleeping through the night (i've battled insomnia since my teen years), my moods were stable .. it was wonderful!! Then summer came and I "fell off the wagon" with all my easy go to foods - pizza, loaded cheese fries, and so on.  I am happy to say that even while eating like crap I only gained back 3lbs - crazy I know!  But.. it is time to get back to being healthy (my version anyway) because I feel awful & gross.  My stomach is messed up most of the time, I'm bloated, moody, tired, and not sleeping well.  So my dears.. today is the day.. back on LCSF (low carb/sugar free) for me!  

The first week is the only awful part, because your body is actually detoxing from sugar.  I've never been into alcohol or drugs or even cigarettes, so the whole detox thing was very new for me the first time around & IT WAS AWFUL! but, I made it through.  kudos to those of you who have detoxed from drugs or alcohol or even cigarettes because it wasn't fun at all & it was only sugar/carbs for me.  It really is a mind over matter thing for me.  As I sit here typing this (after having a delicious breakfast of bacon & diet Dr. Pepper) my mind is craving a bowl (or 3) of fruity cheerios! So I will do my best to keep my mind busy, and have a slice or two of cheese or some peanuts just to keep my mouth busy too!! 

What's your healthy way of eating?  Have you found any particular way of eating that is easy for you to stick with? 

-Sara

Just me.. and introduction of sorts

I have always been the keeper of a fairly extensive Diary/Journal/Me Page.. whatever you'd like to call it in your world.  I even name my diaries. I name them so that in my writings, it feels like I am having a conversation with a friend instead of just ranting on in the pages.  "MJ - My Journal" has been my closest friend and source of comfort since I can remember.  Sadly, in the last few years, I have not been writing as I used to & I miss it, terribly.  Life has been so chaotic, SO CHAOTIC! I look at my life now sometimes and sit and just wonder.. how did I get here? How did I end up with this life, this job, this family, these friends.. I used to be able to go back to MJ when I started feeling like this and track my movements, my moods, and the changes and decisions that lead one to the places we end up.  

It has been said to me (more than once..) that MJ isn't a good thing for me.  That I ONLY write when things are bad or I'm stressed or the baby is getting to me or my husband is on my last nerve and so on, and I guess that actually is true (as much as i HATE to admit it) I'd like to think that I only write when things are stressful because it helps to get the moment out.  If I get it out on paper then it is outside of my body, outside of my mind and I can see it more clearly, see it for what it is (however irrational it may be) and then move on.  Sometimes this is the case, sometimes it isn't.  I'd also like to think that I don't write about the good times because those memories are naturally stored in my head, my go-to reel that I can recall when things are bad.. but that isn't the case either.  

I seem to be lost.  Lost in a place that is of my own creation.  Lost in my own head. Lost in the chaos of .. well.. nothing.  I am not happy, it's that simple.  I am content, but not happy, not filled with joy, or excited to wake up each day and dive into my life.  I simply feel like I am existing and I DON'T LIKE IT! so.. this is my wake up call to myself  HEY KID.. YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS" <---- my inner voice (actually I hear my Dad's voice when I talk to myself, but more on that later) so this is my solution.  I've been an active reader of blogs for some time now & read a post just this morning on Foxs Lane Blog that gave me this idea..

And so - here it is - Hick's Haven (That's me, Sara Hicks, and this blog shall be my new MJ.. my safe haven) to just .. be. I'm not here to sell things or endorse things.  I'm simply here to be me, or more importantaly, to grow into the me that I want to become.  I'd love feedback (for anyone who actually reads) and I'd love some lively discussions about decisions or the inner workings of 'why choose this way or why do you think this way' so on and so forth.  

So.. Let's start from the very beginning - a very good place to start =) - I enjoy movie quotes quite a bit so I will use them from time to time when they seem appropriate 

So this is me.. Sara .. this actual picture was taken SEVERAL years ago, but it is still one of my favorites and so I share it with you now.  

This is my little family - Me, my hubbs (Kelvin), and our precious daughter Fenway. This is a recent pic of us all, taken about 2 weeks ago actually!

There is a long back story with hubbs and I, as I am sure there is with most any couple, but we will get into that as time progresses I'm sure.  

The basics for now on our little life - I am a Le Cordon Bleu trained chef, but I didn't graduate high school, I actually got my GED because of a horrific car accident when I was 16.  I have worked in all areas of food service but I'm currently the Food Service Director aka "head cafeteria lady" for a small public school in Texas.  I am still coming to terms with that title and the job itself.  Before this gig, I was a culinary arts instructor at a small community college in northeast texas & I ADORED it.  I miss teaching very very very much, but sometimes when you've had enough of the "higher ups" that always seem to get hired for ABSOLUTELY NO REASON what soever except for who they know.. not going to start that rant right now! I am blessed to have a M-F 8-4 job that allows me the freedom of my evenings & weekends with our daughter.  

Our daughter.. Fenway. She is a perfectly delightful 2 year old that has been diagnosed GDD (global developmental delayed) meaning that age wise she is 2, mentally/cognitively she is 12-16 months. there will be MUCH more on this subject in later posts, but all I have the energy to say right now is that it is hard.  I love being a mother, I was born to be a mother, but being a mother to a special needs child (although very basic in those terms compared to others I've read up on) is not something one is every prepared for.  I am still working on accepting & finding our "new normal" but every day is hard for me mentally.  This is not me whining or crying or anything.  Just simply stating that I NEVER expected nor was I prepared for this type of life with my child.  She isn't talking yet, not a word.. not mama dadda baby bye bye, nothing. I have to fight with myself on a daily basis to not be down or frustrated or impatient or any other self loathing type of emotion because I JUST WANT TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH MY KID!! but.. she is beautiful and witty and little firecracker who NEVER sits still! I love her with every fiber and feeling I have in me & I will fight for her success (whatever that may end up being) until my very last breath. 

I feel like this is a very long first post, so I'm going to end it here I think.. 

so here's to happy & healthy & joy in our lives.. whatever or whomever that may be at the moment 

-Sara