gain it.. lose it.. gain it..

over a year ago I broke down & went to the "low carb" way of life. it's documented in some of my previous posts. I lost 30lbs in about 3 months. it was wonderful. I felt wonderful, had energy for the first time in years, and actually slept through the night. was it a tough change for me, yes. was it totally worth it, HELL YES! I am very sad to say, however, that I have now gained all the weight back. I know, I know.. "diet this And diet that" but it wasn't a diet for me.. well, now it seems that it was, and I can't even explain why! it was a gradual return to junk & processed foods & convenience  foods & soda.. oh soda. 

Kelvin & I have been discussing getting back to a healthier lifestyle & it's funny to me how a junk filled sugar ridden life is the norm because it's the easiest. but it's really not the easiest, it is simply what we have become accustomed to, conditioned to & IT SUCKS! Plus, I now know 2 people who have been diagnosed with pre-diabetes within the last 2 months & I am currently "coaching" my best friend through the "low carb" way of life! And so dear ones, the time has come.. I want to feel alive again, but mostly I want to just fit into my cute clothes without looking like tennis balls stuffed inside a pair of panty hose!! 

My challenge: 10lbs by Halloween- I'll need all the pep talks I can!! I'm a pretty good motivator as long as I can see results. you'll be on the journey with me! at least I'm not a rookie this time, I've got some good tricks when cravings kick in. 

cheers to getting healthy, losing weight, having energy, and sleeping soundly, and of course.. fitting into last years clothes!! 

loves and hugs- S

Hey Baby.. It's only life

So, sometimes I find myself so caught up in all of the "stuff" that I forget that this life is just that.. it's just life! I get so stressed and worried and caught up in not being a great mom or wife or friend or teacher that i just want to bury my head under the covers and hide for some peace!

THis week at work has been an eventful one.  Without going into too much detail.. I am a part of the Union and the union doesn't like something the administration is changing or wanting to change and so everyone is in an uproar about it all.  There are some of us that are calling BS and just want out of the whole dang thing.  We joked that we were gonna make t-shirts like "Team Jacob or Team Edward' because it's gotten that ridiculous.  I see both sides, I get both sides.  Just let me come in, teach my class, and do my job so I can go home to my family.  If I have a bad day at work because of some bozo's being all butt hurt about something they actually don't seem to have all the facts on then the rest of my day is shot.. then i come home and don't want to hang out or play, i want to sit on the couch and do NOTHING! it sucks the life out of you, it really really does.

Back to it.. so i was thinking the other day & this song "hey baby, it's only life" came on and I LOVED it.. it goes something like this:

Don't look away, don't run away .. hey baby, it's only life
Don't loose your faith, don't run away .. hey baby.. it's only life

and that clicked with me for some reason.  It is only life, an hour, a day, an evening, a class.  That's what we get, 24 hours to make something of ourselves.  If we don't, then we start over the next day.  So there ya go- my rant for the evening.. sort of.. more later!

-S

Reflection

Have you ever had a moment or span of time in your life where you are just surviving? Surviving from one hour to the next, one morning to the afternoon, or one day to the next? I feel as if I am in that season of survival. I normally with very well under pressure or with high levels of stress, but I have found myself in tears under the weight of such stress here lately. When one area of my life is complicated and messy, I can usually throw myself into the other parts of my life to kind of balance out the emotion and clear my head, but that isn't the case as of right now. All areas of my life seem complicated and messy and there doesn't seem to be a comfortable or comforting place to just .. be. I know it is just another "season" but I am VERY ready for this season to pass. And so, I write (or type in this case)

Part of my "first year Ohio teaching" is to keep a "journal" or a log of related topics throughout the year. We have all been paired up with mentors for the first couple of years to try to help with the transition into this life. Brecka, my mentor, has given me my first reflection topic & since I "journal" here already, I've decided that this is how I will keep up with those entries- 

When you are planning a lesson, are you planning for a group or are you planning on each student to gain a skill? what effect will that have on your lesson? 

 This has actually changed for me over the course of my teaching. The smaller my class, the more individual attention I can give them, thus the better my lesson . I started out (even this year) tailoring my lessons to each individual becoming/doing the best that they could do.. playing up each student's strengths. But I have quickly found that with 30 students and a very cramped work space that that specific way of teaching doesn't provide very consistent results. I haven't really found my footing yet when it comes to being in 10 places at once or trying to get each student to just finish 1 sauce!! I know it's a fluctuation of emotions, like a big roller coaster, and I'd like to say that I teach to each individual student because I do believe each student has potential to at least get better/be better.. I just haven't found the balance of how to direct a lab full of students in ALL aspects of the education process & ability. Today i feel like I suck as a teacher 😕 I'm sure tomorrow will be better, at least I hope it will! Sorry for the sour note this evening.. more later

A catch up of sorts

I start this post in the dark of a hotel room in Findlay, OH just as Fenway is starting to wake up and babble to herself.  We are up getting Kelvin settled in and visiting him in our "home away from home" since he will be staying here on the days that he works.  

I am now in week 5 of work and just did my first "parent call outs" to the parents of mine whose child has a D or an F in my class.  It was weird.  To be quite frank, it has all been a little weird.  I am SO very used to college aged/adults in class and teaching teenagers a whole new ball game.  One I am honestly not sure that I want to be a part of more than a season.  I am really hoping that as the year progress that I come more accustomed to the "style" of teaching I've had to develop and can learn to love it as much as I loved my college classes.  

For the first time I am really seeing what damage has been done to younger generations.  I remember being a teenager, believe it or not, but we weren't lazy.  We didn't feel entitled.  I'm sure there were some, as there is with every group, but just as a whole.. I am terrified of what the world will be like, what the culture will be like when Fenway is that age.  There is no respect, no want to learn, and this entitlement of you should just "give it to me" whether it be a grade or a "free day" or "your notes" its amazing.  It is definitely a major reality check and challenge. for me.  I am still adapting and finding my way & I've had several great days with both labs, but then others I am just trudging through to the end of the day & I have never had that feeling before when teaching.  

And the meetings.. OMG THE MEETINGS - I am already barely keeping my head above water with trying to keep up with my next day's lesson (which I am planning the afternoon before & has my OCD and control freak planning at an all time extreme..) and all the events and paperwork and grading etc.  and then they throw in at least 3 meetings a week.. I mean I get it.. actually I don't.  Send me an email and let me work through it myself when I actually some time to breathe.  Or just throw it on my pile. I don't eat lunch most days because I am trying to plan my class for my senior lab! At least I know i'm not in the boat by myself.. several of the teachers I have spoken with feel the same way and are overwhelmed right now, even a few veteran teachers, so that at least makes me feel like not such a nutcase! 

So, as you see - I haven't had much time for updating or writing in general and boy have I felt it! My stress level is at an all time high and my face is freaking out and breaking out, it sucks.  Fenway is officially awake and squawking at me, thus I must put on my Mommy cap & being the day.. More to come lovelies.. much more to come 

-S

not fitting in

It is so insane to me how my mind works sometimes.  That I am a 29 year old successful woman, a wife of 6 years, a mother of an almost 3 year old, a college graduate, a chef, and a teacher.. and yet I seem to forever be a 10-12 year old girl in my mind hoping and praying to fit in.  It is so strange to me, I am so strange to me sometimes and I don't understand why, despite all of the wonderful qualities I possess & who I have grown into or become as an adult, that I am still searching and needing to be liked.

Let me explain my latest moment:  I said in my last post that I had finished my first assignment for my class.  Our first 2 assignments are posted in the "discussion board" where all of the students can view & post replies to your comments.  I just realized that I have logged on 3 plus times JUST to see if anyone has posted a reply to my comments.  SERIOUSLY!! To add insult to injury (no matter how imaginary..) no one has.  The replies I have left asking questions have not been answered either, however, they have answered others.  I know how silly and ridiculous it sounds & I have ABSOLUTELY no idea why I feel so..let down.  Why do I want to fit in with these people whom I have never met & most likely never will?  I double and triple check my entries to make sure they don't sound stupid or uneducated.  Normally, I am a terrific writer, well spoken with witty remarks and good points.  In both of my "discussions" I sound like a weird kid.. a teenager maybe.. Not the well educated, well spoken woman that I am.  I am sure that I am over analyzing, but that doesn't make my anxiety about it any less real or my anxiety about my anxiety any less frustrating!

When does one "come into their own" or "become their own person?" At what point in my life will just being me be enough?

-S

I'm an official college student... again

I just completed my first assignment for my online class with Bowling Green State University!

Let me explain: I accepted the position with Butler Tech, but have to finish some credits to get my Bachelors Degree & to get a teaching certificate in Ohio.  So, I have been enrolled in the Career & Technical Teaching online degree program with BGSU & I am proud to say that I just completed my first assignment! It was only introducing myself & replying to 2 other students.. but hey, ya gotta start somewhere right?!

I am beyond stressed about the move and transition, but super excited as well.. as of right now I am just sunburned (more on that later) and sleepy..

out with the old.. and in with the new

so much to tell.. too much really for one post, so I will try to make it short and sweet.

I have enjoyed being a stay at home mom for the last few months, I've really enjoyed my dedicated time to my heart.. my fenway.  with that being said, I have gotten restless & have been for some time now.  After the Le Cordon Bleu job didn't work out, I was heart broken and pretty down on myself.  I REALLY wanted that job & literally had it in my hands, but had to let it go for what was best for my family at the time.  but.. the restlessness didn't go away. it got stronger in fact.

That restlessness, prayers, and God's little push/shove in the direction I believe He is leading us is...Hamilton, OHIO.. yes, you read it. OHIO - a teaching position with Butler Tech, specifically D. Russel Lee Career and Technology program. We went up this past week (Kelvin, Fenway & myself) took the 14 hour drive up for my face to face interview & teaching a class.  Apparently they LOVED me & I got the job offered on the spot.  SO, in a mater of weeks we will be moving across te the coutry where no one knows us & starting a new job that I am going to LOVE. I'm finding it pretty amazing when you are able to just wait.. wait on God.. on His answers.. on His timing.  That has been and will continue to be my prayer through all of this.  If this is your path, shove me through it! open the doors and gates and lead us through.  Also help the transition be easy and smooth.  Show me what it is that you have me to do here- and trust that You are the ultimate dream maker- This is my dream and we are following in your footsteps behind any open doors!

More later, once my head has time to deflate!!

-S